first glimpse of light

I'm sitting in the sun, in the mountains of Himachal Pradesh, in the north of India. And whilst basking in the warmth and enjoying the magnificent views, I remember a moment just two days ago, when I first caught a glimpse of the sun. It had been cloudy for weeks, raining heavily with thunder and lightning. The sky had been leaden, seemingly forever. And then, early in the morning, I spotted a hole in the clouds. And through that hole I could see the top of one of the mountains, covered in snow, and the very summit was illuminated with sunlight. It was dazzling. It was so bright, after those weeks of greyness. And soon enough the clouds closed and the sight was gone. But nevertheless it gave me hope, that warmer sunnier times were coming.

And looking back at that moment, it reminds me of some moments early on, in my years of seeking. The first moments of satori had a similar feel. Satori: that momentary, instantaneous, unbidden, direct, perception of truth, without words. And it's difficult to talk about, because if you've never experienced such a thing, then you have been living under grey skies your whole life, without realising it, without any clue as to what sunlight is, without being able to imagine how dazzling sunlight on a snow capped mountain can be.

And just as that momentary glimpse of the mountain top soon passed, so it is with those moments of satori. They're there and they're gone, as soon as the mind wants to grasp hold of them. But nevertheless they leave a new understanding of life. Only understanding is not really the right word, because an understanding usually is formed of words, and some direct experiences are beyond words.

And perhaps the most important thing about a moment of satori, for the seeker, is that experiencing such a moment removes any doubt about one's seeking, about the spiritual journey. One knows for oneself that there is more to life than the mundane and the material. That has been revealed. And with that comes hope, and the inspiration to continue on the spiritual path.

This was all coming back to me just now, as I remember that moment of seeing the sunlight on the mountain: how it gave me hope that warm sunny times lay ahead. And now, here I am, basking in that sunshine. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. Nothing to achieve. I can simply relax and enjoy it. But along the way it was useful to have that glimpse, of what was to come.